what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
