I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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