stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
