I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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