It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
