You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
