i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize