Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
