dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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