Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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