oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
