definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
