I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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