she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
