Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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