So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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