SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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