We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
