Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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