Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
