what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
