Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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