checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize