bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
