I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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