Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
