just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
