he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
