Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
