Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
