Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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