Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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