She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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