My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
