I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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