at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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