just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
