Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
