you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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