I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
