It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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