I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
