I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
