I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize