i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
