I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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