With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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