Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize