Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
