a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
