I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize