I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
