Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
