have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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