Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
