Someone shit on the floor
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
