matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
