Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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