Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize