Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
