You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
